


Dialects

by nookr



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Gen, Short One Shot, Teaching, angry german swearing, dialects, this is just a really stupid thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 03:25:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14487786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nookr/pseuds/nookr
Summary: In which Mephisto is contemplating if killing is an appropriate reaction to a dialect you do not like.





	Dialects

It was done, the contract was sealed.

“Okay, that’s that. Now first things first, your dialect.” Mephisto said, to which Faust merely tilted his head.

“What’s wrong with it?” he asked, and Mephisto fought the urge to grimace.

“It’s horrible. Have you listened to yourself talking? No wonder you’ve been alone all your life! Seriously if you want to live life to its fullest then the first thing you’ll have to do is start speaking _normal_ German.” Mephisto explained.

“I don’t understand why I should. I’ve been living fine with my dialect all my life.” Faust answered.

“No one outside of this city will be able to understand you, that’s why. If you really want to _live_ then you’ll have to get out more. And no one is going to be able to converse with you if you keep talking like _that_.” Mephisto said, “It’s hideous.” Faust rolled his eyes and Mephisto already thought about just quitting right in that moment. He can’t work like this.

“Do you want my help or not?” Mephisto asked. Faust seemed to think for a second.

“When I thought about getting your help, I thought more of becoming young again, getting a girlfriend and such. Not you trying to change my dialect.” he answered. Mephisto ran a hand through his hair.

“See, we’ll get to that. But I refuse to work with you until you learn to speak properly.” he said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Faust sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

“I thought you wanted to be my servant. This really isn’t what a servant should be doing.” he said and Mephisto had enough. He snapped his fingers and watched Faust as he wanted to say something, but no sound escaped his mouth.

“We can keep going like this forever, you know. I’ve got plenty of time…” he said, “You, on the other hand, don’t” Faust shot him an angry glance, then slowly nodded. Mephisto snapped again and Faust opened his mouth. Mephisto raised a finger to stop him from talking.

“I’ll do what you want, but first you’ll listen to me.” he said. Faust looked unsure but nodded anyway.

“You’re a really stubborn guy, do you know that?” Faust asked.

“So are you.” Mephisto retorted, “Now repeat after me.” Mephisto said some very long, very complicated sentences and Faust repeated after him. Though without losing his dialect.

“Ugh… okay, this isn’t going to work. You have to open your mouth a little wider when you speak. I can’t even identify the words you’re saying wrong.” he said. They repeated the same sentences again, with Faust opening his mouth a little wider this time around. Mephisto began massaging the bridge of his nose.

“No, no, no. Stop. Now I can actually understand the way you mispronounce these words.” he said, “This is horrible, I’m in pain.”

“You’re not.” Faust said and Mephisto cringed.

“It’s ‘Bist’ not ‘Bisch’, for heavens sake.” he whined “And ‘Nicht’ not ‘ned’.”

“Obviously you’re just a horrible teacher.” Faust said, “And now that you know this isn’t going to work, we can just stop and move on.”

“No, we can’t. I refuse to accept this.” Mephisto said, “Sit down. This is going to be a long night.”

 

After several hours of tiring attempts to teach Faust normal German, Mephisto has had enough.

“Excuse me for a minute. I’ll be right back.” he said, got up and left the house. For the following five minutes an ominous amount of German swearing was heard throughout the entirety of Leipzig.

“Gottverdammter, unfähiger, Dummkopf! Kann nicht einmal die leichtesten Worte aussprechen! Welcher Mistkerl hielt es für eine so grandiose Idee, Menschen in verschiedenen Dialekten sprechen zu lassen, das ist ja unglaublich! Wie beschränkt muss ein Mensch sein, die deutsche Sprache so zu missbrauchen! Verflucht sei die menschliche Sprache, verflucht besonders dieser dumme Doktor Faust! Ich möcht‘ mich gleich dem Teufel übergeben, wenn ich nur selbst keiner wäre!“

 

„You know, I heard every single thing you said.“ Faust said, as Mephisto entered the house again.

“Please, just stop talking all together. I can’t listen to this anymore.” he said and sat back down at the table.

“I won’t let myself get lectured by a demon.” Faust retorted. Mephisto let out a groan and stood up again. He grabbed Faust by the chin and looked inside his mouth.

“Are you allergic to something? Anything? Because I would be willing to forgive you if the reason for your horrible language was a swollen tongue.” he said. Faust shoved him away.

“I know I’m prone to being dramatic but I never thought that there was someone out there who could be even more dramatic than me.” Faust said, “You’re unbelievable.”

“And I never thought a highly intelligent doctor like you, would be stupid enough to not be able to speak proper German.” Mephisto sighed, “And yet here we are. I swear at this point I think you’re doing that on purpose.” He looked up and saw Faust smirking.

“You insufferable bastard.” he said.

“I’m sure we’re going to get along just fine.” Faust said.

“It’s ‘Ich glaube’ not ‘I glaub’.” Mephisto corrected.

**Author's Note:**

> The translation of the german swearing:  
> "Goddamn, incompetent fool! Can't even pronounce the easiest words! What bastard thought it was a good idea to let humans speak in different dialects, this is unbelievable! How dense does a human have to be to abuse the German language this much? Curse the human language, curse this stupid doctor Faust! I'd like to hand myself over to the devil, if I weren't one myself!"


End file.
